Fifty Shades Shadier (Fifty Shades of Silver) by Torcivia Phil

Author:Torcivia, Phil [Torcivia, Phil]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: FICTION / Romance / Contemporary
ISBN: 147758353X
Publisher: Phil Torcivia
Published: 2012-06-04T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Thirteen

You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip. – Jonathan Carroll

I’m fuming over his nonsense, and becoming concerned over No-Longer-Little Mormon. I’d love to work off some anger at the gym, but that’s not going to happen in my current state. Maybe a bath will do.

I phone Bea on the way home. It goes straight to voice mail, so I call her office. Eric answers.

“How’s it going, Eric?”

“Fine. And you, Mr. Silver?”

“I’ve seen better days. Is she around?”

“In a meeting right now. She should be done around noon. Is it an emergency?”

“Um,” I hesitate, “no, not really.”

“What’s up?”

“Funny you should ask in such a way. I have a problem with two dicks.”

“Ooh, do tell!”

“The first dick—the larger of the two—is Bea’s ex, Chris. Know him?”

“I do, and you’re right—he’s a dick.”

“He’s trying to work his way back into her life by buying me off.”

“An incorrigible dick.”

“What you said.”

“And the other dick?”

“My own, actually. For the last hour, I’ve had petrified wood with no signs of ever bending again.”

Eric laughs.

“I’m not exaggerating ... and, I have to pee.”

Eric laughs harder.

“I’m happy to amuse you.”

“Oh, shit, wait. Oh my god, that crazy woman. Did you take a little yellow pill today, by chance?”

“What pill?” I ask. I can hear Eric fumble around his desk.

No way.

“Ms. Plastique borrowed a few pills from me recently.”

“What sort of pills?”

“Cialis.”

Fuckity fuck bubbles. It wasn’t Ibu she handed me this morning. Great.

“Well, that explains it. Now, what am I supposed to do with this?”

“It says something on the label: ‘If your erection lasts more than four hours, call Eric.’”

“Very funny. And, why would Eric have such pills in his possession?”

“My mature boyfriend sometimes needs assistance, so we keep a supply handy.”

She fucking drugged me. She will be spanked.

“Now, I have to sit around for another three hours wondering what to do with this.” I pinch the swollen helmet. “Lovely.”

“You could hammer down loose floorboards. Pole vault? Ring toss? Masturbate?”

“Right. I’m going to unload a batch, soak in the tub, and hope for the best.”

“Need a hand?”

“No, Eric, I don’t need a hand; I have two. Tell Bea to call me the minute she gets out of that meeting.”

“Will do. Oh, and Mr. Silver?”

“Yes?”

“I’m pulling for you ... I mean with Ms. Plastique.”

“Thank you, Eric.”

Once home, I manage to pee through my turgidity without spraying the walls. I launch a quick batch. Still hard. I fill the tub and soak. My periscope points up at me, refusing to subside. She made me this way; it’s her duty to fix it.

I dry off, dress, and drive to Bea’s office. I park in the rear, climb into the back, and lie down.

Mormon Silver: I’m at your office, you naughty woman. Meet me out back when you’re done with your meeting.

Bea Plastique: Why?

Mormon Silver: You know why. Two hours now. I think I’m dying.

Bea Plastique: Don’t be so hard on yourself.

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